The State of Affairs

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Esther Perel
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Harper 2017-10-10 Hardcover 9780062322586

具體描述

Esther Perel is a couples and family therapist with a private practice in New York City. She is on the faculty of the International Trauma Studies program at Columbia University, is a member of the American Family Therapy Academy, and has appeared on many television programs, including The Oprah Winfrey Show, Good Day New York, CBS This Morning, and HBO's Women Aloud. She lives in New York City with her husband and two children.

Iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity.

Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about the human heart—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations.

An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so too the prohibition against it—in fact, it has a tenacity that marriage can only envy. So what are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book.

For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.

Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”

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##一、齣軌的定義 本書裏關於齣軌的定義如下: For me, infidelity includes one or more of these three constitutive elements: secrecy, sexual alchemy, and emotional involvement. "Including one or more" 通常會被認為隻要具備一個條件就夠瞭。但是在一個關於這本書的訪...  

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##昨天,周揚青官宣,和羅誌祥已經分手。 然而,這對攜手九年、頻繁秀恩愛的情侶並非好聚好散,原因是周揚青通過手機發現對方多次齣軌,於是發齣韆字分手信,在揮手說再見的同時,痛斥羅誌祥的不忠。 同一天,“男生變渣會有哪些前兆”的話題隨之登上微博熱搜。一些人從前任身上...  

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##4.5 Perel opens up a taboo conversation that should've been held a long time ago. With her professional, profound and insightful prose, Perel seeks to neither judge the unfaithful nor justify the action of philandering; her kind and wise words encourage us to take a dual perspective and anticipate the most imponderables. Highly recommended.

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